Last week, I had the pleasure and privilege of going to lunch with one of my former students, David. I have known David since 1995 when he was in my first grade classroom. I had him again when he was in 2nd grade. Later before he left our school for middle school and high school, David was crowned King of the 5th grade class along with my other little sweetie, Debra, who was crowned Queen of the 5th grade class.
David's life was one of struggles. His family is Hispanic, poor, and the father and mother, 3 kids and a grandmother lived in a very small house. Every year when the Student Council (I was the advisor) would collect Food for Palmetto Families, we would deliver boxes of food at Thanksgiving to them. They were always so appreciative and the grandmother would cry. Despite David's low economic upbringing, he also struggled academically. He tried his best, giving 100% but just could not grasp all he needed to be and A student. He made c's and when he scored a B or A, he was ecstatic. If he scored lower, he "beat himself up" for disappointing his family and me. I have always told my kids, if you give your personal very best, then you have nothing to be ashamed of but if you know you can give more, then next time, try a little harder. David always gave all he could.
David excelled in sports. He was great in basketball and baseball. When he got to high school everyone believed he would receive a scholorship to college because of his sports however, his grades were poor and finally after much struggle, David dropped out of school...just before graduation. He was embarrassed to tell me because he thought I would be totally disappointed and disgusted because of his grades and because "he gave up".
When David was in 1st grade and I became his teacher 1/2 way through the school year, he would sit with us on the floor while I read books to the kids. I would look up and see this sweet little boy staring at me and grinning. You could almost see little hearts floating up over his head when he looked at me. AND, the feeling of love was mutual. I begged the principal to have him in my classroom the next year. He recently told me that he would listen to me read, just to hear me read because he understood very little of what the words said (he spoke Spanish in his home and English at school so he was constantly trying to translate back and forth in order to understand). He said he didn't care what the words said, he just loved listening to me read.
When we first met, it was right after my mom passed away from breast cancer. I was sad and was now trying to keep my father from falling apart. There were many times one of the kids would say something or ask questions about my family and the tears would form. They always wanted to know (and still do want to know) if I had a mom and dad. I guess they thought I was hatched from an egg or something, so we would talk about it. I told them my mom went to Heaven and that I had taken care of her while she was sick and now I was taking care of my daddy because my mom was gone. I told them I didn't know what I was going to do when I was older because I didn't have kids to take care of me. David raised his hand and said,"Ms Barndt, when you are old, I will take care of you!" He proclaimed it loudly and full of self assurance. AND he has until recently still proclaimed it. In fact, he was upset with me for not calling to tell him when I had breast cancer so he could have been here to help me out.
This young man, whom I have loved as a son and prayed for throughout his life, is now a father of 2. He is not married and feels he has failed his children but he is working at a good job and going to church. He has kept up with sports and loves his two boys so much. He invited me to attend church with him and texted me the next day to remind me of the times. To say I love this young man and am so utterly proud of him, would be the greatest understatement of all times. He is my family!
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Now the other side of the coin:
In May here in town, there was a huge fire in a warehouse where people were manufacturing, packaging, and selling across state lines, synthetic marijuana. They were adding all kinds of chemicals, (acetone, plastics, etc) lethal to the system. They were labeling it as incense. The FBI has been watching a "person of interests" who was in charge of the operations. There were several different locations where all this took place, so the local police, the DEA, the FBI all worked together to figure out this mystery. This product was allowed (at that point) to sell it in convenience stores and gasoline stations as incense but kids were complaining of being sick after using it; parents were complaining and filing complaints with police that their kids were having brain damage after using this incense. Everyone knew this was going to be a big "breaking story" when everything came to light.
This week, one of my former students, Dylan, was arrested as being the "kingpin" of this operation. He had millions of dollars worth of this stuff packaged, in the process of being manufactured, etc. They found it in 3 different warehouses (including the one which blew up), buried in his parents' back yard and in his own home (he has 2 small children also). He is currently in jail awaiting possible bond but he is a person who would leave the country (flight risk) so no judge is giving him bail.
Dylan was in my 4th grade class in school. I knew his family well. His mom was a nurse; His father was a "hippie"; his younger sister, Maya, was a sweet, cute little girl. Both kids were honors students and they were in the gifted and talented classes. Dylan's parents always came to parent conferences, were active in school activities. Dylan even starred in a play I produced..the musical version of The Wizard of Oz. He played the Wizard.
Dylan was always a "little know it all", kind of bossy, teased kids a lot (today he would be labeled a bully) but this was a long time ago. He is in his early 30s now. He had a quirky sense of humor and was always smiling and laughing. He didn't have to work hard at grades but he did have to work at his attitude.
When we did the play, The Wizard of Oz, our school did not have the facilities to perform the play so we arranged to practice and perform it at the Jewish school across the street from our school. Dylan and several other boys (his "crew") decided they would ridicule the Jewish people there and make very anti Semetic comments and jokes. I was furious I told the principal about it (I wanted to cancel the entire play but he said not to do that). We called in all the parents concerned. Most of the parents were horrified that their kids would do that, but all the kids confessed that they had participated, even Dylan. However, Dylan's laid back father, Toby, just laughed and said, Faith, he's just a kid. If I had been in the play, I would have done the same thing. I informed him that did not make it right or acceptable and if Dylan, along with the others did not write letters of apology and change their thinking and actions, they WOULD be replaced in the play. The play rehearsals and production went off without another hitch.
I did not have Dylan in 5th grade but his antics, "teasing", etc went on. When he was in Middle School, he stole a car and was arrested for Grand Theft Larceny. When he was in high school, he was drugging and drinking and had an automobile accident. His father, now a paramedic working with my brother, was first on the scene. Dylan's head was "cracked wide open" and they did not know if he would recover physically or mentally. He did.
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I saw Dylan's dad a couple years ago. He said he was opening a "KavaSutra" bar which serve tea that "mellowed you" and I should come by. He said Dylan had a very successful KavaSutra Bar in Lake Worth (where I live) and I should go see him. I did not ever go to either because I was reading about people leaving the bars stoned from drinking the tea. They were being arrested for driving under the influence of an unknown substance. As it turned out, this bar was also a cover up for his distribution activities of this synthetic marijuana.
My question....Why does one kid who has nothing end up doing so much good with his life and one who grew up with everything and more than he ever needed or wanted, go on to become a "lifer" in the Federal Penitentry (where he will undoubtedly end up....or dead).
I pray for all my kids each year. I pray for their physical safety and well-being. I pray that they see the importance of being faithful to themselves and their families; I pray that they grow into the men and women God intended them to be...so why then do these things happen? Did I fail Dylan along the way? (and I guess I think of my nephew who killed himself in 2001 after drinking and doing ecstasy and marijuana. He killed himself with his mother's gun the day after their wedding anniversary. His parents gave him money for marijuana because "there's nothing wrong with it" and they thought it was hilarious when he made his own pot paraphenaiia). What could I have done to save these two boys? What was different with them and with the kids I have as personal friends now as they are adults? Why do some choose to call me now Aunt Cookie and make a point of staying active in my life while others do not even remember their 2nd grade or 4/5th grade teacher?
My heart is heavy for Dylan and his family (now divorced) and for the 2 children who will grow up without their father actively in their life. BUT my heart is filled with love, joy, comfort and hope because of the Davids, Debras, Shannons, Adelindas and others who have all grown into mature young men and women and write to me and thank me for loving them, teaching them, and always supporting them. My mind and heart are in a quandry.